Source: JoshMarksCooks
On September 3, 2011 in Atlanta, my cousin
Fairelma (Jean) Butler Hughes visited me at work. She was in town visiting her
daughter Tiffany during the Labor Day weekend. I was overjoyed to see her, as I
feel that she resembles my late grandmother, her great-aunt Willie Ealy
Collier. Before Jean left my workplace, she invited me over to her daughter’s
house for a Labor Day gathering. Her nephew, Joshua Marks, was in town as well,
and he was cooking! Of course, I could not say no! I had already added my cousin Josh on Facebook,
and I was very aware of his passion for cooking. The pictures he would post of his
eclectic dishes on his Facebook page, JoshMarksCooks, would often leave my
mouth watering. I believe I even licked the computer screen several times!
When I entered Tiffany’s house, Josh was
there in his favorite place – the kitchen. Of course, the first thing anyone
would notice about him was his height. Being 6’1”, I am often one of the taller
people in the room, but Josh made me feel short. He was 7’2”, and like me, he
too inherited the tall gene from our Ealy bloodline. But, Josh obviously
inherited more of it. However, his greatest attribute, that was also very
noticeable when meeting him for the first time, was his wonderful personality.
As his nickname suggested, Josh was indeed a “gentle giant”; he was a joy to be
around. His friendliness was inviting, and his cooking was beyond spectacular.
As we stood in the kitchen talking, Josh was making one of his favorite dishes –
shrimp etouffee. I doubt I will ever taste shrimp etouffee as good as Josh’s.
Ever. If my Mom was present there, I would have jovially attempted to slap her,
portraying the saying, “It is so good it’ll
make you slap yo Momma.”
Josh’s famous shrimp etouffee
he made for us.
One of several great things I admired about
Josh was his tenacity. He was not afraid
to pursue his goals and passion, even if it meant taking himself out of his
comfort zone and out of his “temple of familiarity.” Unfortunately, that’s
difficult for a lot of people to do. Graduating
cum laude from Tougaloo College in Jackson, Mississippi in 2009 and employed by
the Army Corp of Engineers in Vicksburg, Mississippi, Josh’s passion for
cooking was greater than the joy of his career as a contract specialist. He did
not allow anyone to downgrade his passion.
Kicking fear to the curb, he decided to try out for the Fox television cooking
show, MasterChef, while visiting his
family in Chicago. Josh impressed the judges and was selected as a contestant. During the show, he wow-ed the judges with
his cooking abilities, and his eclectic dishes were so delectable that he advanced
to the final round against Christine Ha. I was very proud of him, as well as
many other family members, even ones who had never met him. I would often receive questions from a lot of
family members asking me if Josh was their cousin, too. Many fans around the
nation rooted for him on the show.
Unfortunately, the stress of the show was
just too much for Josh. Mental illness surfaced and consumed my talented and
gifted cousin. There were no indications of mental illness prior to the show,
and I certainly didn’t see any during the time I spent with him – a time I will
never forget. Ultimately, mental illness
led him to take his own life on this past Friday. A mentally ill mind pulled
the trigger, not the nice, humble, and talented “gentle giant” that everyone
knew or witnessed. Many hearts are
broken including my own. While dealing with the emotional pain of losing a
child, his mother Paulette Butler Mitchell courageously shared details of Josh’s
mental decline with the Chicago Tribune. Click HERE
to read those details.
Mental illness is something that should not be ignored. Stigmas need to
be broken, and if you know anyone who may be suffering mentally, please urge
them to seek professional help. Our cousin, licensed psychologist and life
coach Dr. Rose Moten-Lang of Detroit, expressed the following, “Often times,
when a person knowingly or unknowingly has a predisposition for bipolar or
schizophrenia, the first episode usually follows a stressful life change and/or
event. Even changes/events considered positive can trigger the first episode of
a mental break.” Undoubtedly, Josh’s
legacy will be his accomplishments and his great attributes.
I am optimistic that his and actor Lee Thompson Young’s unfortunate departures from
this earthly setting will bring greater awareness about the importance of
mental health and proper professional treatment, helping many of the untreated who
are suffering mentally. I am sure Josh would want this.
R.I.P. Cuzzo. Your demise will not be in
vain. Cook great meals for our ancestors!
Among many, the ancestors who are enjoying
Josh’s cooking now include:
His maternal
grandmother, Lettie B. Ealy Butler (1931-2012),
and his tall great-grandfather, App Ealy
(1890-1966) of Leake County (Lena), Mississippi
His
great-great-grandparents, Paul Ealy
(1859-1943) and Adeline Kennedy Ealy
(1861-1942) of Leake County, Mississippi
May this gentle giant now walk with the ancestors and find himself in peace.
ReplyDeleteWhat a story! nice Tribute, eye awakening for "our" community also. We have to talk about this. Thanks for sharing Mel!
ReplyDeleteYes, we have to break down these stigmas!
DeleteGreat Tribute. I'm sure Joshua is smiling in appreciation!
ReplyDeleteI am truly sorry for your loss Mel. My condolences to the family, may the Lord comfort you during this difficult time.
ReplyDeleteI was so heart broken to hear of this, I wish I was there for him. He was talented and I cheered and rooted for him. I just knew he had it, but I didn't work out. Such a tragic loss, for all of us. How could this be for someone who seem to have it all. Looks, appeal. charm. charisma. passion and talent. One will ever know...
ReplyDeleteMy condolences to your son, cousin, brother, nephew, grandson and friend. He will forever be missed, but never forgotten.
Beautiful there no other words to say . My eyes are full of water ...
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautifully-written post to your cousin, Mel! May he rest in peace amongst the Ancestors.
ReplyDeleteRenate
Mental illness is too often misunderstood, underestimated in it's beginnings. So tragic. I know the Ancestors are enjoying his cooking though! And one day the circle will be unbroken and so will you.
ReplyDeleteMelvin, My heart is truly touched by your word about Josh, a very fitting tribute. Josh Auntie loves you always.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful tribute Melvin. I applaud you and your family for sharing Josh's story. Our society needs to see the compassionate, gifted people who are challenged with mental health issues, rather than the media-driven "bad people" that stigmatizes many of our family members, friends and associates. NAMI, the National Alliance for Mental Illness would probably love to hear the story of Josh. Bless you and your family for being forthcoming with his story, to break down the stigma.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful tribute. May he rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteI love this and we, the Real Men Cook family, loved him. Your writing has us considering publishing our official tribute to Josh Marks, which will be read by the President of Real Men Cook, Rael Jackson at the Monday services. Ironically, proceeds of our RMC Fathers' Day events, which positively influenced Josh, went to the Community Mental Health Council and totaled over $150,000. Psychiatrist Carl Bell, former head of CMHC has written about stress, African men and mental health for decades and is well-known as an authority in these areas, yet his organization, serving over 500 mentally ill on the South Side of Chicago (where Josh took his life) was shut down by the state of Illinois last year. We walk daily among the afflicted, who are without adequate treatment. Yet when violence erupts everyone asks. "What's the problem in Chicago." Now you know. Here's an article by Dr. Bell regarding the drastic cuts: http://www.ebony.com/wellness-empowerment/enough-mental-health-disparities-endanger-chicagos-youth-405#axzz2i0wMGJC4
ReplyDeleteJosh should be here. Heartbroken.
ReplyDeleteI googled Josh to see how he was doing and couldn't believe it.
All our love to you and Josh's family and friends. A truly beautiful human being. Such grace and compassion.
We'll miss you Joshua. Nicholas, Jacob and Adam. Glasgow, Scotland.